‘I filed my copy from Waterloo station loos’: the Guardian’s theatre critics assess The Critic | Movies

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‘The friendship between a critic and an actor violates a boundary’

Arifa Akbar

Oh, how I’d love to take bubble baths in the morning, long lunches at my club in the afternoon and arrive in the stalls by evening with my secret lover-cum-amanuensis and pencil-carrier in tow. Jimmy Erskine (Ian McKellen), chief drama critic of the Daily Chronicle, really does have it good. My quotidian reality as chief theatre critic of the Guardian cannot compare: a supermarket sandwich wolfed down before the bell, a frantic filing of copy after the curtain goes down (from a bench by the loos at Waterloo station on one occasion), or eating biscuits at my laptop into the small hours if it is a morning deadline.

But then, Erskine is an acid-tongued anachronism, part of a dying “old guard” even in the 1930s of the film. His portrait still contains a kernel of historical truth, though: Erskine is part of a bygone era when a single, revered critic held godlike sway over public opinion. His real-life counterparts were many, from Kenneth Tynan to “Butcher of Broadway” Frank Rich, whose most scabrous notices could close a show.

Those imperious emperor-critics are no more, their unilateral power diluted by the growth of the internet, with its mix of theatre vloggers, TikTokers, and other online critical voices who represent different ways of reviewing a show. And isn’t this a good thing? All of it makes criticism broader, less monolithic, although the power of some negative newspaper reviews can still dent ticket sales.

Erskine is a cartoonish archetype of the evil critic, a Mephistophelean figure who is having his portrait drawn for “immortality” (the shadow of Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray looms large) and more than a little reminiscent of Addison DeWitt, the manipulative theatre critic in All About Eve. But how evil is he before Nina Land (Gemma Arterton), an actor desperate for his validation, pursues him for praise?

We’d certainly consider him a dinosaur nowadays for his personal digs about Nina’s body and his bitching tone. That wouldn’t (and shouldn’t) be allowed. But in essence, there is bald honesty to his savagings of her wooden over-acting. She sees it as cruelty, he as rigour. The love-hate relationship between some actors/writers/directors and critics is well captured.

Critics might be seen as charlatans or the devil incarnate until they write a glowing review, and then they become gimlet-eyed truth-tellers. As exaggerated as Erskine is, there is a ruthless honesty to his write-ups at the start of the film which is admirable, and essential for a critic. He has an absolute love of his craft, too. “Theatre is life itself,” he says, and I see his obsessive passion reflected in the best critics around me.

His editor commands him to be kinder and this intrusion would rankle any critic today. It is true his verbal assassinations are hurtful. My rule is to express negative opinion in language I would use if the director or actor were in front of me. But Erskine’s style is built on waspish wit and elegantly formed put-downs, legitimate in their own right. The theatre industry may not like it, but some might argue it is its own art.

Where the film is at its most instructive is in its warning against the transgressive relationship that forms between Erskine and Land. All About Eve warns against this, too, likening it to a devil’s pact. The Faustian bargain between Erskine and Land is more carnal but it amounts to the same thing: friendship between a critic and an actor is violating a boundary, and it leads Erskine to lose his integrity.

If Land lived in the present, she might have sent Erskine an anguished email written at 3am (which critic hasn’t had one of those?) that he could simply have deleted. His fatal mistake is to engage with her out of pity, inviting her to his home, giving her advice on how to do better. Erskine isn’t the first critic to be hounded by an angry actor. I speak from experience. Where reviewers in other art-forms usually remain at a safe distance from those whose work they appraise, theatre reviewers are forced into close proximity every opening night.

Any of us can lose our critical distance, maybe even our moral compass, if we cross the line, get too close, start to cheerlead rather than critique. It is, ironically, his initial kindness that leads Erskine to his doom. Graham Greene spoke of a splinter of ice at the heart of every writer. It is the same for the critic, in my view. Erskine shouldn’t have let his melt. A lesson to us all.

Where’s my bubble bath? … Alfred Enoch and Ian McKellen in The Critic. Photograph: Sean Gleason

‘If you are mealy-mouthed, readers will spot it: if you are honest, you may lose a friend’

Michael Billington

How lifelike is the current movie, The Critic? In most respects, it is miles away from the humdrum existence of today’s aisle-squatters. Set in 1934, it conjures up an era when the theatre critic was a journalistic star dictating his reviews – and in those days it was always a man – to an obliging amanuensis: it reminds me of a comment by Joseph Mankiewicz, who created the unforgettable Addison DeWitt in All About Eve, that “critics have acquired all the managerial trappings of performers”.

If the movie’s Jimmy Erskine, memorably played by McKellen, is a celebrity, he is also a risk-taking gay man in an age of punitive sexual laws. But, if much has changed since the 1930s, there are moments when the movie expresses a fundamental truth about critics and others when it dwindles into melodrama.

Patrick Marber’s Jimmy is loosely derived from a character in Anthony Quinn’s excellent novel, Curtain Call, who in turn was very closely based on James Agate, the Sunday Times theatre critic from 1923 to 1947. It is fair to say that McKellen doesn’t look much like Agate: a chunky figure in a loud-checked overcoat, whom Kenneth Tynan once told me resembled “a suspiciously clean farmer”. But between them Marber and McKellen accurately capture certain aspects of the critic’s life, from the compulsive note-taking to the use of fancy adjectives that irritate sub-editors.

The one scene in the film that really resonated, however, was that where Jimmy faces the sack. Suddenly a man who has spent 43 years reviewing theatre is confronted by the prospect of empty evenings and unwanted opinions. Even a lucky beggar like myself, who retired voluntarily and who is still paid to pontificate, can understand what he feels.

Theatre-reviewing, as a colleague once remarked, is a drug; and, although I never had to go cold turkey, I still find kindly people sometimes address me with the solicitude normally reserved for addicts in permanent rehab. But ultimately Marber’s script is about the corrupting effect of power and this is where I think it misunderstands the critic’s dilemma. The fictional Jimmy relishes wittily savaging people he doesn’t know.

The problem critics face in the real world is the opposite: how to write honestly about people whom they do know. Even though I avoided showbiz after-parties, one can’t live like a monk and I sometimes found myself in the painful position of judging artists I had met socially. If you are mealy-mouthed, readers will spot it: if you are true to your reaction, you may lose a friend. I was never a close chum but for many years I had a genial relationship with Jonathan Miller until I heavily criticised one of his productions and after that he treated me as an enemy.

Tom Stoppard, himself a critic in the early 1960s, once wrote, “I never had the moral character to pan a friend. I’ll rephrase that. I had the moral character never to pan a friend.” That, rather than the naked power-hunger displayed in The Critic, is the issue we reviewers face on a regular basis.

Ultimately this film is about the corrupting effect of power … Ian McKellen and Gemma Arterton in The Critic. Photograph: Sean Gleason

‘Critics fraternising with the people they write about is a taboo, a red line, a no-no’

Ryan Gilbey

Quentin Tarantino has always been open about his youthful love of film criticism. He studied the reviews of the New Yorker’s Pauline Kael “like class assignments” and even made a fictional film critic one of the heroes of his wartime thriller Inglourious Basterds. Now that Tarantino has abandoned his plans to direct The Movie Critic, about a reviewer on a 1970s porno rag, those of us who make our living judging the work of others will need to look elsewhere for solidarity.

Not to The Critic, though. To the common assumption that we are parasites feeding on the failures and triumphs of others, this 1930s-set thriller adds a further insult: we are venal, self-serving ingrates who will stoop to blackmail and murder to cling on to our jobs. Perish the thought! Then again, a movie showing what critics really do in the cause of survival – sharing colleagues’ craven reviews and cockamamie predictions in WhatsApp groups, say, or flogging embarrassing stories about them to Private Eye – wouldn’t look half as dramatic on screen as hounding an enemy to suicide or drowning a blabbermouth in the bathtub.

Younger reviewers will marvel at the treatment doled out here to the esteemed drama critic Jimmy Erskine, played by McKellen. On press night, he is tended to by theatre staff, who spirit his coat away and reserve him a quiet space in the bar to collect his thoughts. Even more astonishing is the moment when actor Nina Land (Gemma Arterton), confesses that it was his reviews that first inspired her to tread the boards. Maybe there are budding artists out there today who, like Tarantino or Nina Land, are driven by the critics they read. If so, their ardour will probably be all the more robust for having survived the cultural downgrading of the informed critical voice by aggregate websites and star-ratings, not to mention the skulduggery of studios that have fabricated quotes and/or reviewers to publicise their output.

When Jimmy and Nina become friends and co-conspirators, it feels almost as shocking as the grisly turn the plot takes. After all, critics fraternising with the people they write about is a taboo, a red line, a no-no; it is impossible to do without the critical faculties becoming adulterated. Perhaps, then, The Critic is not at all the brickbat it first appears to be, but rather a cautionary tale to help steer modern practitioners away from sycophancy, hyperbole and partiality – a guide to What Not to Do.

The downfall of Erskine shows what can happen when the critic drifts away from passionate engagement with an art form and toward serving their own ego or currying favour, either with readers or subjects. It’s a lesson that remains pertinent today. The next time critics insist on tagging the very people they’re praising on social media, listen out for a gentle splashing sound: it’s the tears of Gilbert Adair, Manny Farber and Dilys Powell raining down from heaven.

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AMERICAN THEATRE | How ‘Coconut Cake’ Is Being Served at 5 Black Theatres

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"Coconut Cake" at the International Black Theatre Festival in July 2024. (Photo by C. Stephen Hurst)

Chicagoan and English professor Melda Beaty started writing plays in 2011 and sent them out to readings, festivals, and theatres, with limited response. Then she submitted to a contest—and won. Her life changed when the International Black Theatre Festival (IBTF) awarded her play Coconut Cake the Sylvia Sprinkle-Hamlin Rolling Premiere (SSHRP) Award, presented at the IBTF July 29-Aug. 3 in Winston-Salem, N.C. Named after the co-founder of the IBTF, the SSHRP award includes “rolling premieres” at several Black theatres. For Beaty, the second SSHRP recipient, this meant having Coconut Cake produced in five theatres over the course of two years, starting in 2024, including North Carolina Black Repertory Company, which is also the sponsor of the IBTF.

The idea for the award came from IBTF artistic director Jackie Alexander, also North Carolina Black Rep’s producing artistic director. Recalling his experiences in New York seeing great plays that disappeared after a single run, Alexander wanted to try another model. As he put it to us, “We have these great Black theatre companies in major cities, and if we work together on a worthy play, we don’t need critics, we don’t need funding—we can create a hit of our own.”

He’d been talking for a number of years with various artistic directors on how to collaborate, including at a dinner with the founder/executive director of Memphis’s Hattiloo Theatre, Ekundayo Bandele, and with the artistic director of Houston’s Ensemble Theatre, Eileen J. Morris, who recalled discussions about what their theatres could do to create art in the most efficient and economical way. When Alexander called and asked Morris if her theatre could be one stop for the rolling premiere of a new play about Maya Angelou called Phenomenal Woman, while its writer, Angelica Chéri, was still writing it, Morris noted, “For me, that was cool because I believed in the play. I believed in the experience. I believed in the opportunity. Despite not seeing the final script yet, I trusted in the process. The fact the first play was about Dr. Maya Angelou—that was a great selling point.”

Their goal for the first project was to share resources: designers, director, costumes. Though they wanted a female director, Morris was already booked to helm several plays in her own season, so Alexander stepped in and directed productions in both North Carolina and Houston; each theatre came up with its own funding. With Ensemble, some money came from an award bestowed on Morris awarded through the Helen Gurley Brown Foundation’s BOLD Women’s Theater Leadership Circle, designed to help female artistic directors in whatever way recipients see fit. These funds enabled Morris to bring on director of operations Rachel Dickson, who views the SSHRP as “a way to elevate playwrights and sustain our industry.”

Manniah Harris and Callina Anderson in “Phenomenal Woman” at Ensemble Theatre. (Photo by Aesthetic Alkhemy)

Phenomenal Woman played first in North Carolina, and by the time it opened in Houston it was selling out already because of the buzz from press in Winston-Salem. That success led to Phenomenal Woman to be picked up by producers with an eye on New York.

Chéri’s play was initially also scheduled to open at Hattiloo, but the theatre had to pull out due to the financial lift of the shared concept and resources. Said Bandele, “The requirements for Phenomenal Woman would have pushed our budget out of whack.” Which is part of why Alexander put together a larger, more flexible group of theatres for the second SSHRP award. Hattiloo was recently able to produce Beaty’s Coconut Cake, is a play about five senior men (four Black, one white), who meet every morning at the same McDonald’s to talk about marriages, health, and ambitions, while playing chess and learning important life lessons. This time around, each rolling premiere production of Coconut Cake is being produced on its own, without sharing designers or directors—a structure that allows both bigger-budget theatres like Houston’s Ensemble and theatres with fewer resources to each have their own vision.

As Bandele put it, “We each have our audiences, which are different in Memphis than in Sarasota or Houston, and we each have our missions. For some theatres, it’s about the actors or the playwright. For us at Hattiloo, it’s about accessibility to all socioeconomic groups.”

Coconut Cake has been in the oven for a while; it first appeared at IBTF in a reading in 2017. This was followed by a 2020 virtual reading through Houston’s Ensemble Theatre, in collaboration with St. Louis Black Rep. Ron Himes, St. Louis Black Rep’s producing artistic director, was initially skeptical. “I was one of those adamantly opposed to streaming theatre,” he said, “and I had told everyone, no, we’re not doing it. Then Eileen called, and I was in. And you know, it worked. It was great!” Himes read one of the roles, joining Ted Lange in Los Angeles and three other actors in Houston. Himes reprised his role in this summer’s in-person IBTF production, directed by Nathan Ross Freeman, co-founder and artistic director of Authoring Action, which works with communities to develop original works for film and stage. Also mentored by IBTF co-founder Sprinkler-Hamlin, Freeman was made the resident playwright at North Carolina Black Rep Company from 1985 to ’89, and directed Coconut Cake earlier in a run there earlier this year.

Another Coconut Cake cast member was the indomitable Count Stovall, who had been in the original 2017 festival reading. An avid chess player, he had inspired Beaty with some moves she uses, particularly at the end of the play, when the audience sees that the king only can move a couple spaces at a time, while “the queen is everything.” Stovall also told us even though memory loss was not explicitly written into the play, the fact that all actors were in their 60s and 70s meant, “It was there—you just didn’t see it.”

David Sitler, Lawrence Evans, and Jacob Smith in “Coconut Cake” at Westcoast Black Theatre Troupe in June 2024. (Photo by Sorcha Augustine)

Also joining for the Coconut Cake rolling premiere program was the Westcoast Black Theatre Troupe (WCBTT) of Sarasota, Fla. Founder/artistic director Nate Jacobs had been mentored for years by Sprinkle-Hamlin and her husband, Larry Leon Hamlin, the Festival’s co-founder and also the director of Jacobs’s first production at the IBTF. As Jacobs continued attending the festival, bringing other artists, he remembered what Sprinkle-Hamlin had told him about the festival: “We Black artists are competing with each other. But we ain’t got anything—no money. We need to unify and become stronger, because no other people are obligated to tell our stories.”

So when Alexander asked if Westcoast would join the rolling world premiere program, Jacobs immediately agreed. “The show was a hit,” he said of Westcoast’s production of Coconut Cake in June. “It popped. I was happy, again, to propel another artist.” Beaty came and took notes, making changes as the show progressed through the various productions. “She’s a phenomenal writer,” Jacobs told us. “And we need quality. Predominantly white audiences, such as ours, love Black culture, but they don’t want mediocrity, which means we have to be better than the best.”

With two more theatres set to serve up Coconut Cake (St. Louis Black Repertory Company in February 2025 and Houston’s Ensemble Theatre in May 2025), can we say that Jackie Alexander’s idea for the Sylvia Sprinkle-Hamlin Award has been a success? Beaty thinks so. As she told us, “This award has reinvigorated my writing career and opened doors for me. Before, no one would even answer my submissions. I am really grateful for the new opportunities, and I am going to keep writing, because I have a lot of ideas.”

Dorothy Marcic, Ph.D., is a Columbia University professor, Fulbright Scholar, and playwright of Respect: The Musical and Sistas: The Musical. She’s the writer of 21 bestselling books and award-winning screenplays and is co-creator of the Wondery podcast “Man-Slaughter.”

Kimberley LaMarque Orman, a professor at Fordham University and executive producer of the video series Fordham Road, has produced, acted, and directed in a variety of productions across the U.S., including Joe Turner’s Come and Gone, Jar the Floor, Macbeth, In the Blood, Blues for an Alabama Sky, Romeo & Juliet, Three Sisters, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and The Old Settler.

Support American Theatre: a just and thriving theatre ecology begins with information for all. Please join us in this mission by joining TCG, which entitles you to copies of our quarterly print magazine and helps support a long legacy of quality nonprofit arts journalism.

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Alan Cumming named as artistic director of Scottish ‘theatre in the hills’ | Pitlochry Festival theatre

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The Hollywood star and queer icon Alan Cumming is returning to his roots – both geographical and theatrical – as the new artistic director of Scotland’s only major rurally based arts organisation.

Pitlochry Festival theatre announced the appointment on Friday afternoon after a recruitment call resulted in an “absolute surprise” approach from Cumming, who went through an intensive three-month selection process with other candidates.

This is the latest reinvention for the prolific actor, director and producer, who is also a memoirist and photographer, co-owner of a successful queer cabaret bar in New York, and a committed activist, particularly for LGBTQ+ rights and Scottish independence.

Cumming, who was born in Perthshire, said his appointment marked “a homecoming”. “For me, all roads lead to the theatre and all roads lead to Scotland. I am a theatre animal at heart and, like Robert Burns, my heart is in the Highlands,” he said.

“This theatre is a hidden gem with the most amazing facilities and boundless possibilities, and I will invite the world’s best theatre artists here and showcase the best of Scotland’s thrilling theatrical legacy. I want Pitlochry Festival theatre to be a home for everyone and to remain at the heart of the community. And, to quote Burns again, ‘I will dare to be honest and fear no labour’.”

Kris Bryce, the theatre’s executive director, told the Guardian that along with the unexpected nature of Cumming’s application he had been immediately struck by “the focus he brought to it and the clarity of why he should do this role”.

“Many Guardian readers may see him in terms of film and TV but its all rooted in his theatrical practice and background as a stage actor,” Bryce said.

Cumming made his professional theatre debut at the Tron theatre in Glasgow, won plaudits playing Hamlet under the direction of Sam Mendes in London’s West End and won a Tony award for his performance as the Emcee in Cabaret on Broadway.

The Pitlochry “theatre in the hills” is known for its unique ensemble and repertory practice: across the summer season actors appear in three or four daily changing productions, learning the parts simultaneously.

Bryce said: “There’s a tremendous amount of work being created here in a Highland town of under 3,000 people so we have to gather audiences from across Scotland, the UK and internationally to this really beautiful place. Under Alan’s artistic leadership I am confident we will continue to grow in our role as the nation’s most impactful producing theatre, delivering bold, innovative work that resonates with audiences here and right across the world.”

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Cumming will join as artistic director from next January, and his programming will begin in 2026.

The news comes as another titan of Scottish theatre, David Greig, stands down as artistic director of Edinburgh’s Lyceum, and as the arts sector faces significant financial pressures amid Holyrood budget cuts.

Greig collaborated with Pitlochry Festival theatre last year on a new work about the independence referendum, in what he said was a necessary response to arts funding cuts.

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Lincoln Center Theater Names Lear deBessonet, Bartlett Sher To Top Roles

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In a major development in the leadership of New York City’s non-profit theater scene, Lincoln Center Theater has named directors Lear deBessonet and Bartlett Sher to the roles of Artistic Director and Executive Producer, respectively.

The appointments take effect when longtime LCT artistic director André Bishop concludes his 33-year tenure this June, as previously announced. The transition comes in conjunction with the close of Lincoln Center Theater’s 40th anniversary season.

“It is the deepest honor of my professional life to serve as the next Artistic Director of Lincoln Center Theater, following the astonishing legacy of André Bishop,” said deBessonet, whose current tenure as Artistic Director of Encores! at New York City Center has included well-received productions of Once Upon a Mattress (currently on Broadway), Into the Woods, Oliver!, Jelly’s Last Jam and Titanic.

“I believe the theater is a space for the creation and restoration of community – and it is my intention in this job is to be of service to the mission and boundless possibilities of LCT, to our city, and to the field,” deBessonet’s statement continued. “I am thrilled to work alongside my dear friend Bartlett Sher, whose artistry and vision have profoundly affected my work as a director, and the extraordinary board and staff of Lincoln Center Theater to lead this theater into its next chapter of great success.”

Sher, a director whose credits include Aaron Sorkin’s hugely successful adaptation of To Kill A Mockingbird as well as productions of My Fair Lady, the 2017 Tony-winning Best Play Oslo, Fiddler on the Roof, The King and I and The Bridges of Madison County, called Lincoln Center Theater “one of the most important theaters in America” and touted Bishop’s legacy “of exceptional quality and enormous strength.”

“Lear deBessonet is an incredible artist and leader and I am deeply honored to collaborate with her as she guides Lincoln Center Theater into a transformative future,” continued Sher, whose position of Executive Producer is a new one for LCT. He has been a resident director at Lincoln Center Theater since 2008, and directs LCT’s current production of McNeal, a new play by Ayad Akhtar starring Robert Downey Jr.

In announcing the new appointments, LCT board chair Kewsong Lee said the hirings follow a comprehensive search of international scope, and thanked Bishop for his “artistry and leadership” of the institution. “LCT would not be where we are without him,” Lee said.

Said Bishop, “I am sad to be leaving, but incredibly grateful for the many happy years I spent at our wonderful theater. Lear and Bart are gifted and intelligent artists, and I am confident that Lincoln Center Theater will continue to grow and flourish.”

As Artistic Director, deBessonet will be responsible for all programming and season planning; cultivating and maintaining relationships with artists; and oversight and day to day operating of the staff and organization.

As Executive Producer, Sher will be responsible for the oversight of strategic priorities such as the development of international partnerships, brand expansion, as well as the expansion of fundraising and LCT’s resources.

Both deBessonet and Sher will assume their roles on July 1, 2025, and will report directly to the Chair of the LCT Board. Both will join the Board as ex-officio members.

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AMERICAN THEATRE | How To Tell If You’re a Theatre Kid

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John DeVore and Becky Jollensten McGarity circa 1992.

Lights up on a small theatre in Brooklyn, New York. Enter John DeVore, late 40s. His hair and beard are streaked with gray. He stands in a spotlight centerstage and says: 

My name is John, and I’m a theatre kid. I’m a theatre kid the way a raccoon is a raccoon, or a pineapple is a pineapple. I like to think of it as my astrological sign, something about me that is fixed. It is who I am, and I had little choice in the matter.

During one of my very first school plays, a teacher suggested I had been bitten by the acting bug, contracting a virus with no known cure. But I knew better: I had been screaming for attention since I was born. If I could have been the opposite of a theatre kid, I would have. But I can’t be who I’m not. I’m pretty sure the opposite of a theatre kid is a Dallas Cowboys fan.

Being a theatre kid is like that Groucho joke about not wanting to join a club that would have you as a member. That’s my experience, at least. I’ve never been a joiner. If I could change that about me, I would. I want to be loved and left alone at the same time. That is my default setting. My therapist is always telling me to open my heart to other people, and my usual response to his gentle requests is, “I’m trying, Gary.”

I once denied being a theatre kid, a bit like how the apostle Peter repeatedly lied when asked by the mob if he knew Jesus. My denial happened years ago, in the late aughts. 2008? Right before the economy cratered. Those were dark times for me. I had gone on an impromptu weeknight bender with a former colleague—a lonely old journalist with a talent for sniffing out bullshit and a sickening thirst for crème de menthe—who suspected I had acted in high school or college. I just laughed him off. Me? A theatre kid? No.

And my ruse would have worked had we not stumbled, piss-drunk, into a nearly empty karaoke bar and had I not insisted on performing a sloppy, surprisingly poignant rendition of the popular torch song “On My Own” from the blockbuster 1987 Broadway mega-musical Les Misérables—which, if you’re not aware, is a weepy, blood-and-thunder pop opera written by Claude-Michel Schönberg and Alain Boublil and based on Victor Hugo’s 19th-century novel about poor French vagrants suffering beautifully. “On My Own” is sung by the forlorn street waif Eponine, who pines after handsome revolutionary Marius, whose heart in turn belongs to Cosette, the adopted daughter of our hero, ex-convict Jean Valjean. Eponine is a lonely victim of unrequited love, and later she dies in Marius’s arms, fulfilling the deepest, darkest, most pathetic fantasy of anyone who has ever longed for someone they could never have.  

My former colleague could see the truth in my tear-filled eyes as I sang with everything I had. I couldn’t help myself. I was feeling it. I sang like I was competing for a Tony Award. I did that thing Broadway divas do where they slowly push one jazz hand toward the heavens as the emotions swell. I was in church, and from the back pew, I could hear him laughing and pointing at me like I was a fool. He knew a theatre kid when he saw one.

Like I said: dark times.  

How can you tell if someone you know, or even love, is a theatre kid? Ask yourself this: Do they take a lot of selfies? Do. They. Enunciate. Every. Word? Do they frequently sigh heavily? Do they talk about themselves and their manifold feelings incessantly? These are just a few of the signs. Do they spell it t-h-e-a-t-r-e instead of t-h-e-a-t-e-r? That’s a good one. Only a true theatre kid spells it “theatre.” A “theater” is where you watch “theatre.” You see? No? This difference matters, and if you don’t think it does, you’re probably not a theatre kid, which may come as a relief to many of you.

Now, I need you to know that I know that t-h-e-a-t-r-e is just the British spelling of the word. But I much prefer the other explanation, don’t you? It’s more romantic. The theatre is an ancient art, a sacred, almost holy occupation. It’s a way to teach moral lessons and to celebrate the human condition; it is a story full of sound and fury that can levitate you or knock you sideways. The theatre is a spirit—and the theater is where you sit and cough politely, and then the curtain rises. There might not even be a curtain. A theater can be a space, any space. A storefront, an apartment living room, a parking lot.

Applause, 2024. 216 pp.

This wisdom has been passed down from theatre kid to theatre kid from time immemorial. It was a veteran of my high school’s drama program who taught me the difference between theatre and theater. She was a full year older than me, but she knew things. I thought she was brilliant. I remember listening to her intently: Theatre was life. This lesson probably happened over cups of creamy, sugary coffee and plates of baklava at the local 24-hour diner, where all the theatre kids at my high school would go to celebrate after a successful production—a one-act or the spring musical.

We’d pour into the diner like an army of frogs, laughing and talking a mile a minute and singing show tunes, and the poor servers endured our overbearing youthful cheerfulness. My true theatre education happened either at that diner or backstage, during rehearsal breaks, and these impromptu lectures are the closest thing to an oral tradition in action I’ve ever encountered.  

These 16-year-old elders patiently explained the superstitions and rules of the theatre, and I did the same when it was my turn to pass on the lore. I remember the rules like commandments: Never whistle backstage or say the name of Shakespeare’s famous tragedy about that Scottish couple who make a series of poorly thought-out career decisions. Both of those things are bad luck.  

Saying “good luck” is also bad luck. You’re supposed to say “break a leg.”  

There are all sorts of explanations as to what that phrase means. I was told,  over a plate of french fries, that in ye olden times, the mechanism that raised and lowered the curtains was called a leg, and so to break a leg would mean that the audience cheered for so many encores, the curtain went up and down and up and down until it broke. Is that true? I have no idea. That’s just how I heard it.  

Here are a few more sacred rules: Give flowers after a performance, not before. Always open the stage door for one of your fellow castmates and invite them to enter first with a graceful bow. One of my favorites warns against putting your shoes on any table backstage. Don’t do that. Why? I don’t think you want to find out. 

There were also practical, straightforward rules about rehearsal and being part of a production. Always be on time. (“If you’re 10 minutes early, you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late.” That was the mantra. I was told to repeat it and to repeat it.) Don’t skip rehearsal. Memorize your lines. Stretch before every performance, and drink nothing but hot water with lemon juice and honey if you catch a cold. And never, ever become romantically involved with someone in the cast—a rule that was broken during every production at my high school, sometimes multiple times. Show romances were a huge no-no. This rule was meant to keep rehearsals drama-free. But rehearsals are intense and intimate, and it’s almost impossible to keep theatre kids from trying to make out with other theatre kids.

Show romances—also known as “showmances”—were looked down on, even by those who had them. The only exceptions were hookups between cast and crew, which worked in my favor. I will always be a sucker for a girl who can use power tools, because I cannot use power tools, and I fell for stage managers and set builders. A boy never hit on me, but I was ready for it, just in case, and had practiced a flattered, “I like you, but I don’t like-like you” speech in the mirror. I never got to perform that speech, which disappointed me. A few years later, in college, a beautiful man kissed me on the dance floor of a party. It was a deep and playful kiss, and before I could stammer, “I like you, but I don’t…,” he had disappeared into the crowd, and now that I think about it, that was disappointing too.

When I was a senior I gave the newbies at the diner a variation of the speech I was given in ninth grade. It went something like: “Look around at this table. These are the friends you’ll have for the rest of your life.” That wasn’t true, but in the moment it felt true, and that’s good enough. I also passed along to them what was passed to me, from senior to frosh, and that is to always, always attend the closing night cast party, and to stay until the very end.

John is an award-winning writer and editor who lives in Brooklyn with his wife and one-eyed mutt, Morley. His debut memoir, Theatre Kids, was published by Applause Books and came out this summer.

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A top US playwright has donated £1m to save Shakespeare’s daughter’s crumbling house

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Best known for his ’80s comedy ‘Lend Me a Tenor’ and his ’90s musical ‘Crazy for You’, the US playwright Ken Ludwig has clearly invested prudently over the years. Upon a recent visit to Stratford-upon-Avon he was told of the plight of the former home – to be fair, very former home – of Shakespeare’s daughter Susannah and her husband John Hall.

Built in 1613, Hall’s Croft (as the home is know) is one of the last complete examples of Jacobean architecture in the country. But to paraphrase Susannah’s dad, time doth waste it, and the 411-year-old building is in a fairly bad way at the moment, with steel girders installed to support the roof now sinking into the ground and an extension added later in the seventeenth century now pulling away from the original house, meaning it’s literally pulling in two directions.

However, as reported by the Guardian, when Ludwig was in town and told about this he didn’t hesitate to open his chequebook to the tune of a cool mil, the largest donation ever made to the Shakespeare’s Birthplace Trust in its 177-year history. 

Lena Cowen Orlin, SBT’s vice-chair, said to the Guardian: ‘Hall’s Croft is a beautiful and atmospheric building that has been suffering from the need for serious intervention. Now we have the angel to make this possible … It’s a sleeping beauty of a building and Ken Ludwig is helping the trust bring it back to life as Shakespeare and his family knew it.’

Hall’s Croft has not been widely open to the public since the pandemic, which has given conservationists time to examine the building, but presumably Ludwig’s large donation ought to help the process of its eventual reopening.

For more information on Hall’s Croft, head to its official website.

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